Laughter, the best medicine

Don't Forget to Laugh!!!

:> Rob and Tom apply for the same job. They take a written test.
"You both got the same number of questions wrong," the HR person tells them, "but Rob gets the job."
"If we both got the same number of questions wrong, how come he gets the job?"
Tom asks indignantly.
"Well", says the HR person, "one of his incorrect answers was better than yours."
"How can that be"
"For problem number 46, Rob wrote, 'I don't know.' You wrote, 'Me neither.'

:>Following a funeral service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out of the church when they accidentally bump into a wall.
From inside the coffin they hear a faint moan. Opening the lid, they find the man inside alive!
He leaps out, performs a little jig, and lives another 10 years before eventually keeling over.
Once again, a ceremony is conducted and at the end, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they head towards the doors of the church, the wife of the deceased leaps to her feet and shouts, "Watch the wall!".

:> "Why did you leave your last job?"
"It was something my boss said"
"What did he say?"
"You're fired!".

:> When a lonely frog consults a fortune-teller, he's told not to worry.
"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl," she says, "and she will want to know everything about you."
"That's great!" says the excited frog. "when will I meet her?"
"Next semester," says the psychic, "in biology class".

:> A garden centre customer picks up a can of insecticide and asks the salesperson,
"Is this good for red ants?"
"No," says the salesperson, "It'll kill them".

:> Norman is 90 Years old and has played golf everyday since retiring. But one evening, he arrives home looking downcast.
"I'm giving up," he says. "My eyesight's so bad that once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it has gone."
His sympathetic wife makes him a cup of tea. "Why don't you take Fred with you?"
"What use would your brother be?" sighs Norman. "He's 103."
"That may be," his wife says, "But his eye-sight's perfect."
So, next day, Norman and Fred head off to the golf course. Norman tees up, takes an almighty swing and arrows the ball down the fairway.
"Gosh, that felt good," he says. "Did you see where it went?"
"Of course," says Fred.
"So, where is it?"
"I can't remember."

:> Conversation with an airline reservation clerk:
Clerk: First name, please?
Me: Nancee.
Clerk: Last name?
Me: Tegeder. And I'll be taking my infant daughter.
Clerk: Her first name?
Me: Erica
Clerk: And her last?
Me: The same.
Clerk: Erica Erica?

:>Sometimes you can take clarity too far. Posted on the entrance of our library is this sign:
"CAUTION - Door Opens"

:>Alice, my sister, had just bought her first pressure cooker and was delighted that dinner would be ready when her husband arrive home from work.
Later that day, Dave phoned her before he left the office to say he was on his way.
"Good!" Alice said. "Can you stop and buy a ladder?"
"Why?" Dave asked.
"Because," Alice said, "your dinner's on the ceiling."

:> Looking down the stairs at a football game, a fan spots an open seat close to the front. He asks the man sitting next to it if the seat is taken.
"No," the man replies. "I used to take my wife to all the games, but ever since she passed away, I've gone alone."
"Why don't you invite a friend?"
"I can't. They're all at the funeral."